So my house is officially ‘the weirdo house in the middle of the terrace’. We are officially ‘that family’. But what makes it the weirdo house I hear you ask? Ah well il let you into the whispers of my neighbours:
1. They homeschool. Well that in itself deserves weirdo status. Who doesn’t send their kids to school? Their probably up all night eating ice cream and watching TV and end up at 20 being illiterate and not knowing how to tie their shoes. Once we went to take our bins out and they were running about scraping yes actually scraping moss off trees and pulling grass and leaves up and putting it in bags. What the hell is that all about??
2. Their front garden is a jungle. Apparently their leaving it as a wild garden for the bees but I have my suspicions. The grass is so long there’s probably dead animals lying within it and before long all the local junkies will be congragating and shooting up amongst it. I wouldn’t put it passed them to start leaving furniture and rugs littering the front, and their probably say it’s in the name of education!
3. There’s an ugly huge tent right up by the front door. What do they have in there? Family of refugees? Where The Man sleeps at night? Time out for the kids?? Who knows but it’s an eyesore and probably reducing the value of the house prices (it’s for my mobility scooter)
4. The ladies mum is always there. What on earth is that all about? What a weirdo, maybe their running some underground crime operation or something, I mean who spends every week day with their mum? Talk about knowing when to cut the apron strings and attachment issues..
6. The lady has a weird multicoloured hippy coat! Where does she think she is the outer reaches of Mongolia?? How can she go out dressed like that? How can people be seen out with her like that?! What a dirty hippy
7. The daughter only ever wears dresses. Do they not own trousers for her? Or a hairbrush? And their often seen running about with no shoes on OUTSIDE!
8. I once saw the lady racing about trying to save a rat! An actual wild rat! That’s what a jungle their garden is its actually attracting vermin. The disgusting creature was clearly hurt and instead of killing it like any normal person would she was running about shrieking for a box to put it in to nurse it back to health. Soon she’ll probably be feeding them and the whole street will be infested
9. I hear whispers their getting goats. Being the weirdos they are their probably walk them on leads as well! I wouldn’t put it past the daughter to race past school kids waiting at bus stops yelling goodbye suckers whilst riding off in the filthy things
10. Once the woman was sat in the shed for ages! I could see her through the window pacing up and down in it for about an hour. What on earth was she up to? Maybe she was hiding something? Maybe she was locked in there? Funny enough she hasn’t gone in the shed since
11. They brought round cake last Christmas. Well I assume it was cake. I couldn’t really tell to be honest, it was all burnt and crumbled into pieces when you poked it, and I’m pretty sure I found several animal hairs. But they don’t have pets
12. The lady does this weird thing everytime she has a shower. She leaves the curtains wide open and then drops on the floor when she walks into the room with the towel on. Is she some kind of exbitionist? Is she trying to tease us? Is she actually as we suspect completely bat shit crazy? Whatever the reason it’s very disturbing and I’m sure she’s breaking some public indency order *shudder*
My poor neighbours; in all fairness to them their actually really lovely but I’m sure their convinced we’re absolutely off our rockers, maybe I should bake them another cake?